FACED WITH AN UNPLANNED PREGNANCY
One of the most difficult situations a teenage girl can face is an unplanned pregnancy. Every teenage girl who chooses to have sex runs the risk of getting pregnant, and when she discovers she is pregnant, usually she can hardly believe it. What will she do? What will she say to her parents? How will her boyfriend react when she tells him? Will she keep the baby? Will she choose to have an abortion? Will she place the baby up for adoption? These are the three legal choices she has, and when she starts thinking about her options, probably she won't like any of them.
Each year almost 1,000,000 American teenage girls find themselves pregnant. Nearly all of them did not want to get pregnant, and now they must choose what to do with the pregnancy. Most of them will keep their babies, while nearly 400,000 (40%) will choose abortion. Only 20,000 to 30,000 (2%-3%) will allow the pregnancy to continue and choose to place the baby for adoption.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, the teenage girl knows that there will be consequences no matter what she chooses to do with the pregnancy. If she keeps the baby, her life will never be the same. She may have nearly all of the responsibility for taking care of the baby even if her boyfriend, parents, and other family members offer to help. Keeping the child probably will affect her education, social life, relationship with her parents, her relationship with her boyfriend, her future dreams and goals, her reputation, and her future marriage. It is incorrect to say that the lives of pregnant teens who keep their babies are ruined, but it is accurate to say that their lives will be changed forever in both positive and negative ways.
Some pregnant teens don't want to keep the baby, and they choose to have an abortion. Most teens who have abortions say they chose to have one because (1) a baby would interfere with their lives, (2) they cannot financially afford a child, (3) they did not want their parents to find out they were pregnant, (4) they were afraid their boyfriend might "leave" them, or (5) they were convinced (or pressured) by someone else - a parent, boyfriend or friend(s) - to have an abortion. However, research has shown that a number of women who have abortions experience physical, psychological, and emotional problems, some of which can have long-term effects.
A few pregnant teens decide not to keep the baby or have an abortion, but rather they choose something called adoption. Adoption is a legal procedure which places a child with individuals who will raise him or her as a member of their own family. It is as if the adopted child had actually been born to the adoptive parent(s). As stated above, only 2% to 3% of pregnant teens (20,000-30,000) choose to place their babies for adoption.
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WHY WOULD A PREGNANT TEEN CHOOSE ADOPTION?
Most pregnant teens choose adoption in order to avoid the problems that keeping the baby might cause. They believe that keeping the baby might cause financial problems, cause problems for their parents and family, or interfere with their educational plans, dating relationships, social life, future goals, future marriage, etc.
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IMPORTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT ADOPTION
Below is a list of some important questions about adoption which might help a pregnant teen decide whether or not adoption is the right choice for her (and perhaps her boyfriend).
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How Is Adoption Accomplished?
There are two parts to adoption. First, the birth mother gives permission for the child to be adopted. (NOTE: In some states the child's father's consent is also necessary.) Secondly, a couple wanting to adopt a child must apply and be accepted as prospective adoptive parents by a government approved agency. A thorough home study is completed to make sure that the couple will be able to properly care for and love the child.
Is Adoption Permanent?
Adoption is permanent, because the child legally becomes a permanent member of the adoptive family. Some states allow a period of time after the child is placed in an adoptive home for the birth mother to reconsider her decision before the adoption becomes final.
Is It Selfish To Consider Adoption?
If a pregnant teen sincerely believes she is not going to be able to properly care for a child, then choosing to allow someone to adopt the baby shows she is trying to do what she thinks is best for the child, and that choice is very unselfish. In other words, it is not selfish to choose to place a child with adoptive parents who are better equipped to care for the needs of a child than the unmarried pregnant teen.
Isn't It Better For Children To Be Raised By Their Birth Parents?
Some people believe it is always better for a child to be raised by his or her birth parents. However, if the birth parent(s) cannot properly provide for the needs of the child or worse, neglect or abuse the child, then probably that child would be better cared for by individuals who truly want a child, namely, adoptive parents. Sometimes circumstances which are beyond the birth mother's or father's control, make adoption the better choice not only for the child, but also for the birth parents.
Wouldn't It Be Better For The Boyfriend And Girlfriend To Get Married, So They Can Raise The Baby Together?
In some instances, depending on the maturity, love, and commitment of the birth parents, marriage is the right decision. However, just because a girlfriend and boyfriend are the parents of a child, doesn't mean they should get married. Sometimes those who get married because there is an unplanned pregnancy have healthy, fulfilling marriages. But sometimes those marriages do not last, and often they create additional problems for the couple and the child. Wanting to provide a secure, stable family for a child is a sign of deep love and maturity. However, being able to realistically provide that kind of family may be very difficult especially for a young teenaged couple. Besides, the decision to get married undoubtedly is one of the most important decisions anyone can make, so there are a lot of things to consider in addition to a baby before a couple chooses to get married.
What If The Pregnant Teen's Parents And Friends Pressure Her To Keep The Baby?
It may be hard for some parents and friends to understand why a teen might place her child for adoption, but the chose is hers (and perhaps her boyfriend's), not theirs. When parents find out their daughter is pregnant, they may begin thinking of a grandchild and object to adoption. Some of the pregnant teen's friends may think of babies as cute, lovable, and cuddly (which they are), without seriously thinking about all the responsibilities a parent has for raising a child. Once again, ultimately the decision to allow a child to be adopted or to keep the child belongs to the birth parent(s), for they are the ones who must live with that decision for the rest of their lives.
When Does The Decision About Adoption Have To Be Made?
A pregnant teen can decide whether or not to place the child for adoption at any time during the pregnancy or after the baby is born. Some birth mothers decide long before the birth, while others choose to place the baby in foster care while they make the decision after the child is born.. However, many have found that making a commitment to adoption before the birth makes the placement easier for the birth mother.
How Do Most Birth Parents Feel After Adoption?
It is not unusual for a birth mother to experience some sadness after placing a child for adoption. But many of them say that they have a certain peace of mind knowing that they did what they felt was best for the child by placing him or her with a couple who sincerely longed to have a child to love and care for.
How Can Someone Be Sure That The Baby Will Be Well Taken Care Of?
Adoption agencies have long waiting lists of couples who are unable to have children and who are eager to love and raise a child. These couples have been carefully screened to make sure they will be good parents for any child they adopt. By the way, there are more couples who want to adopt than there are babies available for adoption. In fact, research indicates that for every infant available for adoption, there are 15 to 20 loving couples waiting to adopt a child, and many of them are eager to adopt babies who are born with certain disabilities.
Is Adoption The Easy Way Out?
Adoption should not be seen as the easy way out of a difficult situation. It is a mature act of unselfish love for a child who deserves to grow up in a healthy, secure family. Adoption can be a blessing for the child, the birth parent(s), and obviously for those who adopt the child. However, adoption is never an easy decision, but one many people believe unmarried, pregnant teenage girls ought to seriously consider.
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ADOPTION ORGANIZATIONS
National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
11426 Rockville Pike, Suite 410
Rockville, MD 20852
(301) 231-6512
National Council for Adoption
1930 Seventeenth Street NW
Washington, D.C. 20009-6207
(202) 328-1200
Adoption.com - Bringing Families Together
www.adoption.com
Bethany Christian Services
(800) BETHANY (238-4269)
www.bethany.org
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