What If You Have Had Sex and Want To Stop?
The latest research indicates that more than 55% of high school teenagers in America are virgins. That may be hard for some of you to believe, but it is a proven fact. Most teens today have never had sex. Many of them are deeply committed to waiting until marriage to have sex so they will avoid the many problems sexually active young people experience.
However, what about the other 45% of high school students who have already "done it" - they have already had a sexual relationship? What should these young people do? Should they continue to have sex because, after all, they have already "lost" their virginity? Some teens actually believe that they might as well keep on doing it, because there isn't anything they can do to change the fact that they have had sex. There is nothing they can do to become a virgin again.
But listen carefully. Just because someone has had a sexual relationship doesn't mean he or she has to continue doing something he or she knows could mess up his or her life. For example, if a person had too much to drink, got into his car, and almost killed himself when he ran off the road and smashed into a tree, would you think he should continue to get drunk and drive simply because he had done this in the past? That doesn't make sense, does it? Well, neither does it make sense for a person who has had sex to continue doing it just because he or she had done it in the past.
We at Teen Choices have an important message for those who are no longer virgins: "It is never too late to stop and wait." In other words, it is never too late to stop having sex and wait from this moment on until marriage. It might be difficult for some young people to stop having sex especially if they are still involved with a boyfriend or girlfriend they have had sex with. But while it may be difficult, it is not impossible. (Some teens who are committed to stopping and waiting choose to end a relationship with a current sex partner when the other person pressures the teen who wants to stop to continue having sex. If choosing not to continue to put your life at risk for serious problems is important, perhaps in the long run, ending a relationship now might be the right decision.)
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SECONDARY VIRGINITY
So what if you decide it isn't a good idea to continue having sex? Then you make one of the most important decisions you will ever make: You choose to stop and wait. It is called secondary virginity because it is the next best thing to being a true virgin - someone who has never had sex.
In other words, secondary virginity is a decision to no longer engage in any kind of sexual relationship until your wedding night. It is an opportunity for a new beginning. Your physical virginity may be lost, but choosing to stop having sex and wait until marriage to do it again may keep you from literally losing your life!
Why do a lot of teens choose secondary virginity? Here are some of their reasons:
- "I didn't like being used."
- "We were so much into sex that we never became friends."
- "Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I have to keep on making the same mistake again and again."
- "I'm going to wait because I have hurt a lot of people as well as myself, and I want to change my life for the best, for me and for my future children."
- "If you make a bad mistake by having sex as a teenager, it's okay. Life goes on. However, you must choose to stop and wait - secondary virginity - or you will continue to have regrets in the future."
The specific reason you might choose secondary virginity may be slightly different from the comments given above. However, if deep down in your heart you honestly do not feel good about your past sexual activities and want to stop, you can. Below is a list of five steps you should consider taking which will help you to stop having sex until marriage - a decision you will never regret in the years to come.
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FIVE STEPS TO BECOMING A SECONDARY VIRGIN
1. Make a firm commitment to save yourself for marriage from now on, and believe you can, because you can!
2. Stay away from people, places, things and situations that will make it hard for you to control yourself. Sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to avoid people who tempt or pressure us especially if it is someone we are attracted to or have already had sex with.
3. Avoid intense hugging, passionate kissing, and intimate touching (caressing of private parts with clothes on or off) which will lead to lustful thoughts and probably some kind of sexual activity.
4. Find non-physical ways to show your love and appreciation.
5. Remember that anyone can start over, including you! When you focus on commitment and self-discipline, you can control your desires and actions.
(Some of the above information was adapted from www.lovematters.com. Used by permission.)
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