INTRODUCTION
Sometimes young people choose to have sex before marriage for a variety of reasons. Their decisions to have sex can lead to some serious consequences such as unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, emotional pain, mental anguish, and guilt. However, sometimes children, teens, and young adults are forced against their will to engage in some kind of sexual relationship which can also lead to serious problems.

This section is designed to help you understand various forms of sexual abuse, and, most importantly, help you avoid such mistreatment and enable you to overcome the pain such abuse can cause. (NOTE: If you have experienced some form of abuse, please make sure you look at the subsection entitled "FURTHER INFORMATION AND HELP" which is located at the end of this section.)

• statutory rape: having a sexual relationship with someone under the age of 18 who is not the person's husband or wife
  

• rape: the act by which someone is forced to engage in a sexual relationship against his or her will.
  

• incest: any kind of sexual abuse among family members or relatives. (NOTE: Nearly 80% of all sexual abuse is incest. In can range from an adult exposing himself to a child, to kissing, to fondling, to oral, anal or vaginal sex. (Kathleen, HEALING FROM SEXUAL ABUSE (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1991), page 7).
  

• oral copulation (oral sex): when someone's mouth comes in contact with another person's sexual organ (vagina or penis).
  

• sodomy (anal sex): the insertion of the penis into a sexual partner's anus (opening of the rectum).
  

• molestation: sexual contact with an infant or child by an adult involving exhibitionism, fondling or stroking genitals, and/or oral, anal or vaginal sex.
  

• indecent exposure: an act in which a person exposes his or her genitals to another person

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A WORD ABOUT DATE RAPE

As noted previously, the most common type of sexual abuse among teenagers is something called date rape. Date rape is so-named because it involves two people who have agreed to go on a date. Date rape can occur the first time a couple goes on a date or it can take place after a couple has been dating for a period of time. Simply put, if a man or woman becomes sexually aggressive and forces his or her date to engage in some kind of sexual relationship, it is considered "date rape".

Many people believe that most rapes are done by strangers, but the fact is most rapes are carried out by individuals the woman, child, or girl knows. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 20 percent of college women have been forced to have sexual intercourse against their will. Most of them were victims of date rape. Another study showed that 90% of rapes on college campuses occurred when one or both of the individuals had been drinking or were drunk. According to research performed at the University of Connecticut, the majority of 175 middle-class nineteen-year-old college males surveyed had used force or exploitation to obtain sex from their dates, and two out of three said they had gotten their dates drunk in order to have sex with them. (Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., M.D. 1001 HEALTH-CARE QUESTIONS WOMEN ASK. (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 1998), page 133).

No woman (or any person for that matter) ever deserves to be forced to have sex regardless of how that person is dressed, talks, or behaves. However, it is important for people to realize that some men have such little respect for women that they expect a woman to have sex with them. Therefore, if she teases or "leads him on", so to speak, her date may take this as a sign that she wants to have sex. If she tells him "no", he may choose not to listen, and she may become the victim of rape. Every woman who is raped should immediately go to a hospital emergency room for an exam and then file charges of rape against the man.

Once again, there is never any excuse for someone to force another person to engage in any kind of sexual relationship. Even if a teenage girl has been dating her boyfriend for months or years, if he ever forces her to have any kind of sexual relationship with him, it is considered rape. Rape is a crime that must be punished regardless of who the rapist is, how long the girl has known or dated him, or the personal "feelings" or emotional attachment she might have for him.

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THE FACTS

Is sexual abuse a major problem today? The facts presented below reveal just how serious of a problem it is in the United States:

• In the U.S. alone, a child under the age of 18 is molested every two minutes.
  
• 1 out of 4 girls will be sexually abused before the age 18
  
• 1 out of 7 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18
  
• 1 in 10 young women report that their first sexual intercourse was forced
  
• Nearly 1 out of 4 (24%) of women aged 13 or younger at the time of their first premarital intercourse reported that the experience was forced
  
• 75% of all rapes and sexual assaults involve family members, relatives or acquaintances; 22% involve strangers; and 3% have an undetermined relationship with the victim
  
• 50% of perpetrators were family members
  
• the age of first unwanted sexual experience was between 9.7 - 12 years of age
  
• there has been a 1,000% increase in reported sexual abuse crimes in the past ten years, yet some research indicates that there may be 20 times more actual incidents than those reported
  
• 80% of all sexual abuse of children involve adults they know and often love and trust
  
• 60% of rapes occur before the victim is 18 years old; 29% of victims are younger than 11 years of age when raped
  
• rape is the fastest-growing violent crime in the U.S.
  
• rapists sometimes choose their victims based on their appearance or age.
  
• rape is usually planned in advance, not spontaneous
  
• rape is a crime of violence, not "passion"
  
• males can also be the victims of unwanted, illegal sexual advances and attacks
  
• 1/3 to 2/3 of all sexual abuse goes unreported to the authorities, largely due to fear of repercussions from the offenders and unbelieving family and friends
  
• the rate of sibling incest is higher than that of father/daughter incest
  
• over 75% of the sexual assaults involved force and weapons
  
• nearly 85% of women who are the victims of rape are also beaten or threatened with physical force
  
• fewer than 50% of the rapists who are caught are ever brought to trial, and very few are convicted
  

(Some of the information above is from Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney's book, 1001 HEALTH-CARE QUESTIONS WOMEN ASK, page 129). Addition information is from a book entitled, PARENTS GUIDE TO TOP 10 DANGERS TEENS FACE by Stephen Arterburn and Jim Burns, pages 133-134, while the remainder of the information presented above is from Jan Stanton and The Ounce of Prevention Fund, 122 South Michigan Avenue, Suite 2050, Chicago, IL 60603. HN3852@handsnet.org.)

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A VICTIM'S PERSPECTIVE

Obviously, an individual who has experienced some form of sexual abuse will suffer in a variety of ways. Personal testimonies and clinical research indicate a wide range of problems, but some of the most significant symptoms and consequences of abuse are as follows:

• Repression and denial are subconscious processes which play a powerful part in a sexual abuse victim's life. If the victim continues denying the past abuse, he or she spends a tremendous amount of psychological energy burying the hurt.
  
• A sexual abuse victim often becomes proficient at living life ‘in the present', because to face the pain of the past would emotionally paralyze him or her.
  
• Sexual abuse victims often block out the indignities of their abuse as a way to cope with life, but usually later on something may trigger the victim's memory and fear sets in.
  
• Sexual abuse is not a fantasy that people have, so if someone feels there has been sexual abuse in his or her past, it is almost guaranteed that the abuse actually happened.
  
• Incest victims [and many who are sexually abused in other ways] believe they are to blame, at least in part, for the sexual abuse. "If only I had been strong enough (or good enough or whatever), I could have stopped it from happening," they think.
  
• Sexual abuse victims are afraid of the pain of remembering, and so they often assume the pain will never leave them. However, some victims and counselors are convinced that remembering is the only way to move through the pain into acceptance and healing.
  
• Sexual abuse victims often need to tell their stories numerous times before someone believes them. It is painful enough to remember, but then to have someone not believe they are telling the truth can be devastating.
  
• When a victim begins to deal with his or her incestuous past, there is tremendous vulnerability. The victim begins to feel all over again the hurt, the rejection, the violation of his or her body.
  
• · Sometimes the spouses of sexual abuse victims cannot bear the trauma. It is very painful for them to listen and to live with this person in recovery. Although they are not responsible for the abuse, these partners must now live with the results of someone else's crime.
  
• A skilled professional counselor and/or support group which deals with sexual abuse is crucial to recovery.
  
• Sexual abuse victims feel a great deal of shame. As one sexual abuse victim wrote, "Shame makes a person feel exposed and defective. It is an intensely painful emotion. It is as though everyone can see inside of you. . .Transcending guilt and shame engulfs a person until he or she feels thoroughly contemptible. In order to put shame to rest, the victim must tell her story to someone who can help. She must be told over and over again of her innocence. She was the victim; she was not the criminal. She is not guilty of wrongdoing. She has nothing to be ashamed of."
  
• A victim of incest will always be a 'victim' if she never looks at her past.
  
• One of the residues of sexual abuse is the victim's warped sense of her sexuality. . . She must relearn how to enjoy something that for years produced pain. This is a crucial part of the recovery process.
  
• Sexual abuse victims often feel intense rage against the criminal whoever that person may be, because he or she took advantage of him or her and left the victim defenseless.
  
• A victim of incest who never enters into the pain of her past carries yesterday inside of her. She is bound to her pain.
  
• (Most of the above information was taken from a booklet entitled, HEALING FROM SEXUAL ABUSE published by InterVarsity Press, 1991, pages 5-30.)
  
  

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HOW CAN YOU PROTECT YOURSELF?

So what can you do, especially if you are a young woman, to reduce your chances of becoming the victim of sexual abuse. Here are a few suggestions:

• Never go some place alone with someone you think might possibly pressure or force you to have sex.
  
• Never go to an isolated place (like a secluded road outside the city limits) with a boyfriend even if you have been dating him for some time. Always go somewhere you can easily leave or call for help if necessary.
  
• If someone you go out with tries to pressure you, do whatever is necessary to get away. If it is someone you are dating, simply tell him to take you home immediately. It would be best for you to choose not to go out with him in the future, because if you do, the next time he may not choose to take you home but force you to have sex.
  
• Never go near a man in a car or near a house if you do not know him very well. Keep a safe distance, or better yet, ignore him and walk in the other direction especially toward a group of people or a safe, secure place.
  
• Never accept a drink at a party from anyone even a boyfriend, because he or someone else might have added some kind of "date rape drug" like a "roofie".
  
• Never walk in an unsafe or secluded area, but if you must (like walk to your car in a parking lot) try to walk with someone else and/or ask a security guard to walk with you.
  
• If at all possible, take a self-defense course. Being able to protect yourself by injuring an attacker will not only cause him to change his mind, but will also give you an opportunity to escape.
  
• Finally, if you are attacked but do not know any self-defense, most authorities suggest that you react strongly and physically. Kick the man in the genitals, poke at his eyes with a finger, comb, or pointed object, scratch with your fingernails, or bite. Make as much noise as you can: scream, yell, blow a whistle, or set off your car alarm by pushing the "panic" button on your key chain.
  
  

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WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I AM RAPED OR ASSAULTED?

Rape and any kind of sexual abuse are serious crimes committed against an innocent victim. Those who are raped or sexually abused must report these crimes to the police or sheriff's department immediately. Furthermore, make sure you do not change your surroundings, your physical appearance, or your body in any way because there may be some evidence that can be used to help find and convict your abuser. If you are physically injured or wounded in some way, you probably should simply call the 911 emergency telephone number for immediate assistance. Finally, even if you are not seriously injured and you have talked with a police officer or other law enforcement official, you must get a medical examination at a doctor's office or a nearby hospital emergency room.

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WHAT WILL THE MEDICAL EXAM FOLLOWING RAPE BE LIKE?

When you go for a medical exam following an assault, the doctor or nurse will talk to you and record in detail what took place. They will do a complete physical exam, and record your emotional condition, note any bruises or cuts, and attempt to gather specimens from your body to confirm the rape. Samples of fluid, skin, or hair which might be from the attacker can be used to not only apprehend but also convict the person who assaulted you. You will also be tested for STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and HIV (the AIDS virus). Usually a hospital or doctor's office will call the police to make certain you reported the crime and then contact a Rape Crisis Center which can give you helpful advice, encouragement, and support during the ordeal. (See the NEED HELP? section on this web site for hotline numbers to contact for free counseling and support.)

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WHAT ABOUT COUNSELING?

No matter how emotionally and mentally strong you may be, virtually everyone who is raped or sexually abused needs to receive professional counseling of some kind. All victims of abuse are left with some degree of fear, helplessness, and often some guilt. No one who has been sexually assaulted should ever feel guilty for what took place. It was not his or her fault, but for some reason, many victims do experience guilt. That is even more of a reason why counseling is essential.

Some research indicates that women who choose not to receive counseling following a sexual assault often discover the most significant damage has been emotional rather than physical. Counseling can serve to bring a healing of the emotional wounds which were inflicted as a result of the assault.

In addition to professional psychological counseling, local Rape Crisis Centers or the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (1 800 656-HOPE) can be of tremendous help not only for the victim, but also for her or his family. If you or someone you know has been the victim of this kind of crime, please make sure some form of counseling takes place. (See the NEED HELP? section for additional telephone numbers which can help in times of crises.)

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SHOULD I FILE CHARGES?

One final word needs to be said to those who have been sexually assaulted, molested, or raped. Even though some victims are embarrassed or even feel guilty about what has happened to them, they must not let these feelings prevent them from filing charges against the assailant even if that individual is someone they know quite well, e.g., a family member, neighbor, or boyfriend. No one deserves to be treated in these ways, and because there is evidence to indicate that three out of four rapists and molesters will repeat their crimes, it is imperative that victims do whatever they can to keep these individuals from committing their crimes on others in the future.

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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION AND RESOURCES

Below is a list of organizations, addresses, telephone number, and web site addresses to obtain further information or help. Once again, if you have been the victim of some kind of sex crime, please seek help as soon as possible for your sake as well as for the sake of others who love you.

DATING ABUSE: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 800 799-SAFE (7233)

Adolescent Crisis Intervention And Counseling: 1 800 999-9999

National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: 1 800 537-2238

EMERGENCY HELP: 911 or the Local Police or Sheriff's Department

PERSONAL PROBLEMS: Youth Crisis Hotline: 1 800 HIT-HOME (448-4663)

Girls and Boys Town Hotline: 1 800 448-3000

RAPE: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network: 1 800 656-HOPE www.rainn.org

RUNAWAY: Runaway Switchboard Hotline: 1 800 231-HOPE or 1 800 621-4000

SUICIDE: National Hopeline Network: 1 800 SUICIDE (784-2433)